Take a step back, so far back in your mind that existential matters seem insignificant. Warmth kisses your skin, as cool hair licks your cheeks and nothing feels sweeter than the road beneath your tread. After basking in the reality of each touch, open your eyes. Every one of your optical muscles flexes and morphs, straining to focus. Imagine your best friend is sitting so close to you that you can literally feel her heart pulsing. However, it’s not just hers that you feel, but every single Aorta in the vehicle.

This state of pure ecstasy sparked lights in some of the darkest tunnels of my mind. Those questions I couldn’t ever seem to find the answer for were suddenly put under a microscope.

My dear friend’s behind the wheel steering us smoothly over the pavement path. I thank the late hours of the evening for our steady flow in traffic. While in Germany, I traveled on the autobahn, a road without a speed limit. When mention of this foreign law, Americans are either filled with fear or adrenaline. However, the German’s system is flawless. I didn’t once witness an accident or a trace of traffic.  That is the intention though, right? The lights are meant to maintain steady movement at the posted speed. Violators disturb, creating the domino effect. Imagine a road system where every rule was followed and each black and white sign actually told you what speed to drive at. With a scale as grand as ours, it’s unlikely that this ideal flow will ever rear it’s head into reality for very long.
Gravity pulls my mind back into the one resting behind the driver. The leadfoot lady behind the wheel sails over a speed bump, causing my small purse to tumble, resulting in the scattering of my miscellaneous mess into the smallest nooks and crannies. It doesn’t matter. Only receipts poke out, no dollar bills. It doesn’t even matter. Yes, I’m a college student, but when did penniless become synonymous with unhappy or unfortunate? This place I currently reside, this place where I eat, breath, and grow, has captivated me with its abundance of talent and opportunity. Rundown projects and all, Savannah’s being has changed mine.

Each thought dictates our decisions. My choice that night tweaked my aperture. The roads have never felt so sturdy, the air’s never smelled so sweet, and my heart’s never felt the same since.

What an ingenious site! I wish something like this would spread like wildfire.

As you should know by now, I’m all about sharing. So please, humor me.

I’ve heard more about Obama these past couple of days in Germany than I have in the past few months. This could be because I was practically in the dark to the rest of the world while I was at school or it could be because the Germans really like him. I’d have to say it’s probably a combination of the two. Now, the issue I have with this is that the majority of the news I’ve seen about him has involved the Nobel Prize business or about the fucking book signing. If you haven’t seen or heard about the “book signing”, allow me to enlighten you.

Obama was at a book signing. I couldn’t specify which because toward the beginning I ignored the specifics of said event. However, the play-by-play caught my eye. Obama was signing a book, wrote a little extra than expected, and Michelle Obama said, practically verbatim, “writing a book there, hun?”. Afterward, she wanted to sign, he agreed it’d be a good idea, and she jokingly said she promised it would be shorter than what he wrote.

Why is that news worthy. Not because it shows the rest of the world that he’s a selfish bastard that wouldn’t permit his inferior woman to sign a book, I’ll tell you why.

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING MORONIC. What Britney’s doing to her new do is what’s in, not the genocide in Darfur. The latest diet trends of the stars is what sells better than the extraordinary species clinging on to their last thread of life. (Why are they practically dead? Because we fucking killed them all.) We don’t want to hear about animals. We don’t care about them.

It could just be that I’ve become irritable as time has progressed, or maybe too passionate about things that “don’t matter”. Or maybe it’s always been this way, and I’ve forgotten what the news entails.

I’m sure of one thing, though. I will not be flipping to CNN or Fox next time I decide to watch something besides a film.

While I’m on the topic, I’d just like to add one thing. Anybody who’s bitter about Obama’s winning of the Nobel Peace Prize should be punched. Did he nominate himself? Did he have control of his victory? Have you seen his speech? Does this hinder you, or anything for that matter, in any way shape or form?

Lastly, since this is my blog, I’d just like to wrap up with my feelings on politics in general.

Too many people follow blindly, spit ignorant claims, and want to stand on a cracked foundation. I’m not only referring to politicians, my readers. I may not know everything about politics, but I know enough. Democracy was a good idea, but we’re only lemmings.  They listen to their neighbors and their friends, and only them. They listen to their news stations, and only their news stations.I know better than to listen to only what I’m told.

Like every other existence ruling matter, too many people are mindless.

A large part of my past week or so has been spent bonding with mother and my old pal Travis. The time I didn’t spend with my family or friends, I spent on material matters. For example, I finally upgraded phones!

Isn’t she lovely? Mine sports the same back, but purple instead of ebony. Oh how she’s won my heart. I’ve never really been into having the newest and most advanced technology, especially in the form of a cell phone. However, I’m really thrilled with it.

Eli/Jasper/Kassem/Shithead has been the second item occupying my attention/devouring my time. My younger sister, Makenna, isn’t home during the day, so I have the privilege of taking care of her little ball of joy, the dachshund-terrier mutt. He’s hardly “potty” trained and when he’s not under a narcoleptic spell, he’s gnawing on anything he can get his mouth on. But, my friends, he’s quite possibly the cutest little baby I’ve ever seen.

I leave for Germany in three days.

Life is pretty sweet.

(I almost forgot. If we talk on a regular basis, you’ve probably heard me debate with myself over whether or not I should change the color of my hair. Every fall or winter, I color my hair darker. What makes this year different is my location change. I won’t be able to go back to the beloved blonde again until I come back home. Which won’t be until summer. This means no touch ups in between. However, if I go dark, I can use box color. This means I can alter it at my leisure.

My severe indecisiveness has indeed turned this mole hill into a mountain. Anonymous or not, I’d love to have a second opinion.

I would want the red to be slightly darker.

So, it’s either one of these or the same color it has been.

What do you think?)

Who am I to condemn liars? I too have avoided the truth… or at least I did earlier in my life.

I can say, that for quite sometime now, I’ve  tried my absolute damnedest to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. It is because of this, I know the happiness I’ve felt is truer and richer than ever before. Since I’ve been at school, I haven’t lied about anything. I don’t find the need to. Not only have I stayed true to myself, but I’ve also obtained the most amazing friends; the type of friends you concoct as a child.

I’m feeling particularly nostalgic these past few days. A couple of my dearest friends called my last night and today, and with their calls came a wave of both happiness and ache. It warms my heart to know that they take time from their day to check up on me, and ache because I can not wait to go back to the way things were a month ago; to go back home.

Let me elaborate on that word “home” for moment. In a previous post, I reference the movie Garden State and the conversation Braff and Portman have about “home”. He describes it as the combination of feeling safe, content, and loved. Well, my friends, since I’ve been back in Virginia, it’s safe to say that Savannah has become my home. Not necessarily because of the pleasant environment, but because of the people. I’ve grown and thrived academically, artistically, and emotionally, and it’s the friends I’ve made that’re to blame.

I guess the moral of the story is if you live honestly, you’ll live better than ever.

I’d also like to add one more thing,

I think the reason my relationships are so beautiful, is because my companions have been just as truthful as I.

What were you doing this time last year?

Let’s see…

I was about a month into a new relationship, surrounded by a fairly new group of friends, and enjoying AP Art in High School. I still worked at the salon, I still lived at home, and I was still unsure with what I was going to do with my life in the following years.

Next, recall major events, chronologically if you can, or even the minor ones that are still memorable for one reason or another. Warning: your head may begin to spin. One thought leads to another, and soon, you’re in a sea of emotions ranging from lethargic, to lustful, to enraged.

I look back on the last year or so fondly, and I can’t wait to look back on today and tomorrow. It’s thrilling to think that my actions now, no matter how seemingly insignificant they may seem, will effect who I’ll be years down the road.

Have a wonderful day, and I hope at least one great embrace is in your near future.

Well, one evening I noticed that on the counter, next to our illegal toaster and coffee maker, was an illegal microwave and little oven. I was thrilled and confused all at once. For some mysterious reason, I took the pan out of the oven and started ripping it apart. I just had this feeling in my gut that it was all fake, made of Styrofoam or something. Gillian arrived back at home and eagerly joined me at my side. But soon after she did, so did our male roommate.

“Those are mine, ya know.”

“Oh… I’ll buy you a new one… Can I use your oven to make cookies?” I said. Discretion’s something I clearly lack in my dreams.

Before all of this, my dream was centered around my classes. Gillian, Chas, and I had 2D design together last quarter, and in this alternate reality, we also shared the 2.5 hour period. Our professor was a lot like the real one, but ten fold. I distinctly remember my good friend, Brody, coming out of the class right before ours with a shiner. In shock and dismay, I hurried over to him as he exited the class and questioned what had happened to him.

“I forgot my sketchbook assignment.” He said with acceptance and embarrassment in his tone.

Our professor actually played one of the largest roles in this one. Towards the end, I kept forgetting to go to class. I would get so caught up in completing my assignments that I’d work right on through all of my classes. Whether or not Gillian alerted me that it’s time was approaching was irrelevant. What I was working on was priority.

(Time… It’s the foundation for our lives. I think dreams are so hard to account for because time is completely askew.  It’s never consistent and is rarely kept track of in dreams, or at least in mine. I can’t remember seeing a clock, not once, and it’s because of this that the number of days that passed is a mystery to me. Like I said before, it was Gillian that told me I “needed to be ready soon” for class. I realize that it sounds as if it was very, very long, but I’m pretty sure all of this took place just in the last couple of hours.)

When the exams were finally finished, it was time to play. One guy friend, whose face and identity’s just out of reach now, spent the remainder of the dream with me. We had rolled a couple of joints and wanted our friend Carl to take us for a ride. (I’ll call this mystery guy Johnny.) After a few pathetic pleas from Johnny, Carl agreed, but there was a condition. He was bringing his lady friend along, and they would want some alone time together at some point.

The city was so large, and it’s a place I’m sure I concocted in my mind. The foliage and buildings were reminiscent of Savannah, but Savannah on steroids. The buildings were enormous, and there were so many levels to it. The squares were covered in stairs leading underground, then that layer had more stairs that led to more layers. Each had cafes and shops, and it was all very beautiful.

So back to our story… Carl drove us far from the dorms, then parked on the side of a fairly major rode. He had dropped a hint that Johnny picked up on. At this time, I was led out of the car, and right as Johnny and I said our “farewell, text me when you’re done”s to Carl, we ran into Fat Joe. (Yes, the rapper, Fat Joe.) Fat Joe handed Johnny a bobby pin and said, “I think you’ll be needing this…”

After talking through my paranoia, we decided that we might as well light up next to the entrance of the law offices. As soon as that puppy sparked, a familiar face walked out from behind the bushes.

“TIAAA! What the hell are you doing here?! Come smoke this with us!” I yelled, excitement dripping from every word.

Johnny, Tia, and I agreed Fat Joe was cramping our style. After running around through half a square, he was long gone, and we were left to stroll, joints in hand.

What a pretty picture.

[And yes, I'm well aware that I've missed my first blog post, and I give my sincerest apologies. What can I say, we got a new puppy yesterday. ]

There are a few questions I’ve come across that I find particularly interesting, show a lot about a person’s character, or could be questions that you’re glad to have the answer to although you’d never thing to ask.

So here is where I bare my soul to you…

1.   What are some of the most important lessons you’ve learned about pain in your life?

Whatever hurts the most will be the most beneficial. It relates to every single situation. You don’t learn from success, you learn from failure, from heartache. Pain is one of the strongest feelings you can experience, especially if it’s emotional. And it’s those pains that absolutely fascinate me. Take love for example, people experience the highest highs and the lowest lows, and yet, they keep coming back for more. Pain makes the great times great.

2.   What risks have you taken in your life, have you avoided any?

I take a risk every second of every day, and it’s silly because the only ones that I avoid are the ones that can’t actually hurt me. I just can’t bring myself to be openly forward to somebody I’m infatuated with. Funny how things work.

3.   What sound or noise do you love?

What first came to mind: the sound of a creek, birds, stomach grumbles, hair being brushed, and apple ingestion.

4.   What profession, other than your own/your goal, would you like to attempt?

I seriously considered forensic pathology and psychology. I would also love to do something with children, whether it be a teacher or a social worker.

5.   Are you a touchy feely person?

One of the biggest ball busters in college is (depending on your situation) that hugs aren’t a regular occurrence. At home, my mom and sister are always hugging me or smothering me in some manner. Then when I got to college, I got maybe a hug every week or so. (This was the case at the beginning of the quarter. Since then, I’ve shared my pain and my sweet roommate/best friend Gillie has vowed to hug me at least once a day. Tia also contributes generously and I couldn’t be more thankful. I’ve also become more open with my affection and put other’s securities aside.) To sum up, yes. I always love a hug.

6.   Every come close to death?

Yes. Need I say more?

7.   If money were not an object, what would you do with your life?

To be honest, I would live homeless. Nothing would be more fulfilling than traveling without a care in the world. With homes and possessions comes responsibility and worry. You worry about it’s condition and how it compares. Keep your pool and Gucci purse, give me only the necessities. I want nothing more than a chance to experience/learn every single thing I can get my hands on.

8.   If you could be a bird, which would you choose to be?

A hummingbird or a hawk. So different yes, but both equally as fascinating. One’s heartbeat is enough to leave me speechless, and the other is so majestic, how could you not fantasize about a role reversal?

9.   Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?

Lol. In all seriousness though, giving. I would trade receiving a dress or purse with giving one any day. This sort of ties into my passion for random acts of kindness. If you’ve ever experienced a really random act of kindness you know how absolutely phenomenal it feels. Knowing that you could be the cause of that is even more rewarding.

10.   What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?

Creatively: Talent driven by passion. When somebody’s so driven by their love for something that they truly shine above the rest… damn. I have the utmost respect for someone who’s great at what they do, and they’re the fucking best at it because of it.

Spiritually: An open mind/tolerance/general interest. All three are tied, because in my opinion, they all go hand in hand. The first two are pretty self explanatory, and the last is because if you have a general interest in religion or spirituality, I’d like to think that the other two follow. I’m strongly opinionated on the subject, so someone who I can talk and explore it with is at the top of my list.

Emotionally: Genuine sincerity. Truth prevails in my book, so when somebody’s genuine in their sincere actions, well, they couldn’t have done it better.Compassion and kindness are great and all, but if they’re not real, then they shouldn’t even exist.

11.   What turns you off?

Basically, the opposite of all three. I especially hate intolerance and untruths.

12.   What bores you? What never bores you?

Waiting for my food at a restaurant really, really bores me. I don’t know if it’s the excitement and anticipation, but I really hate it. Drawing never bores me, and it’s rare that conversation bores me. (Let me elaborate, real conversation never bores me, exchanging meaningless pleasantries are a waste of time.)

13.   What is your number one pet peeve?

Loud chewing, chewing with mouth open, loud/nasally breathing, and lies told to make oneself look “cooler”.

14.   What are your ambitions for life?

I’d like to be the same person that I look for. So, basically, remain true to myself and never get lost in the materialistic, political hubbub that all-too-often consumes us.

15.   If the whole world were listening, what would you say?

STOP, BREATHE, AND PICK UP A BOOK.

This evening I watched The Accused, starring Jodie Foster. It’s the story of a woman gang raped in a room filled with men instigating the event in the local bar. They pinned her down, covered her mouth, and took turns violating her.  And nobody did a damn thing to stop any of them.

The statistic in my headline is a legitimate number taken from the  RAINN. Rape, or sexual assault, is a subject we’re preached to about endlessly and even trained to defend against, but it’s impossible to really prepare for such an event. Imagine, for a moment, a man, any man. Now imagine for a moment that as he’s choking you, your arms are pinned by another man, you’re clothes are ripped and sobs muffled, and you are being penetrated. It is likely that you’ll contract an STD or become pregnant. Imagine how you’ll feel next time you’re on a date. Imagine what it’ll be like giving birth to that child that is a direct result of you’re worst nightmare. Imagine dying from AIDS because your assaulter was HIV positive.

• 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).
• 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.
• About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
• 15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12.
• Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

As a result, the victims are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

Wanna know the sickest part??

15 of 16 perpetrators walk free.

(Every one of these statistics are based solely on the victims who actually report! 60% of sexual assaults are not reported.)

Why would I post such a “deranged” topic? Because it makes me fucking sick. These women and men could be your friends, your moms, dads, brothers, sisters… you.

I am a statistic, and right now, I am at the highest risk to be raped.

What I’m getting at is this…

If you were in a bar, the game room, surrounded by drunk peers, would you stop, or attempt to stop, the rape of a stranger?

Would you try to save them?… Would you try to save me?

Or would you turn your shoulder…

Would you like to know what makes this month different? Why I feel like I’m actually challenging myself?

Fall/winter break commenced four days ago. It’ll last a little over a month, and this could quite possibly be the busiest month of my life thus far. Let me elaborate.

• Tomorrow, Marques comes home, we’ll be going downtown, rekindling, etc.
• Wednesday, I leave for West Virginia until Saturday or Sunday for Thanksgiving.
• Sunday, I could possibly be leaving with Marques to go back to his dorm for a few days.
• On December 7th, I leave for Germany! I’ll be traveling around Germany and hopefully sprawling out into other European countries. I’ll come home on the 14th.
• Around the 16th, I’ll hopefully be taking a road trip with Gillian to visit Tia in Michigan! Along the way, we’ll stop and visit her family.
• On the 22nd or so, we’ll head back, but we’re taking the long way. We’ll be going through Ontario, Canada and make a stop at Niagara Falls.
• Then it’s Christmas, kids. On the 23rd or so, my family and I might be driving down to Florida to meet up with the rest of the family for the Holidays. If not, we’ll celebrate here.
• Lastly, it’s back to Savannah.

Buckle your seat belts, ladies and germs, because you’re in for a hell of a ride!